I’ve been where you are now. I was so emotionally drained that I came to that state of numbness. I lost my lust for life. I lost the ability to feel joy or pain. I became a shadow of the radiant girl I once was.
I kept asking myself: “How did I get here?”, “ How did I become someone I no longer recognize?” , “How did I end up with this tired soul inside of me?” I was clueless and I couldn’t answer any of those questions.
Eventually, I came to the conclusion that you end up being a girl with a tired soul when you give so much of yourself to others that it leaves you empty from the inside. You don’t spare your emotions. Your bending over backward to make somebody happy makes you forget about your own happiness. You are too busy wiping somebody else’s tears that you never take the time to comfort yourself and mend your own heart.
You end up being a girl with a tired soul by acting tough when your world is falling apart. By being strong for everybody around you. By carrying all the weight on your shoulders without asking anybody for help. By being aware that the only person you can rely on is yourself.
You end up being a girl with a tired soul by forgetting to put yourself first.By neglecting the fact that sometimes you need time for yourself. It never crosses your mind that you need time to recharge and fill your strengths. That sometimes it’s ok to say ‘no’ when you don’t feel like doing things. That sometimes you need to pamper yourself and relax.
You end up being a girl with a tired soul by giving too much to those who take it for granted. You give your whole heart to someone who is not worthy of you or your time. You see the best in somebody who only serves you their worst. You see the person you love for what they could be instead of what they are now, and that takes the biggest toll on your heart.
Loneliness consumes you. You keep repeating to yourself that someday, everything will be ok and that someday, someone will appreciate you for who you are. someone will be able to reciprocate everything. Someone will give back all the love you are giving.
The problem is you got sick of all the waiting. The positivity in your pockets ran out and all that was left was one big nothing. No willpower to get out of bed. No strength to form a smile. No tears. No pain. No happiness.
I know because I felt it, too. I felt like I was looking at my life from a distance, unable to live it. At one point, I even thought I was never going to leave that state of numbness. Nothing was getting to me. I was a lost cause until I decided to cure this tired soul of mine.
I knew it wasn’t going to be easy to get out of that state I was in. But I decided to make it work. I was so many times in situations where somebody was down and needed my help and I was all in for them. This time, it was time to be all in for myself, too.
If you have a tired soul and you have experienced similar emotions as I have, I hope that the list of things I have done to help myself will help you, too:
1. Your soul is tired but it’s still alive.
You just came to the place where you see no way out. And you are not really living; you are surviving. And it’s time to stop. It’s time to command yourself to do something productive today. It’s time to get out of that bed and live again. It’s time to dress up, show up and breathe.
It won’t be easy and it won’t happen overnight, but whatever you do, you have to move. Staying in one place will do you no good and it will lead you nowhere. You will have better days and you will have worse. It’s important to keep persisting and never give up on yourself.
2. Keep good people close and leave the toxic ones in the past
Make sure you are surrounded by good people. They will be the push you need to make your soul feel alive and vibrant again. All those toxic personality types, all those emotional leeches, and all those mean people toss them out. Lock and seal the door as they leave. You don’t need them in your life. They will do their best to pull you more down.
You need to be surrounded by love and positivity. You will find it. You just have to take a better look and see that you have family and friends who love you and care about you unconditionally. They are something to be very grateful for. They won’t be able to fight your battles for you, but they will be by your side every step of the way.
3. Chase newness and embrace change
You have to make it a mandatory task for yourself to do something new every chance you get. For example, I made a decision to try something new every or every other weekend. Like going to the new gallery opening. Seeing a new comedy at the movies. Taking a bike ride. Enrolling in a course. Meeting new people. Taking a day off at work and go on a spa day. Going hiking. Planning a trip. Going on a trip. Checking out a new wine bar that just opened. Chasing the sunset. And the list went on.
For the first time, I started doing these little things just for me. And I really needed them. I was giving so much. I tried to make other people so happy and proud of me that I neglected my own need to relax, breathe and take it easy from time to time. The world won’t stop just because you take time for yourself. It’s called self-care and it’s necessary to take care and pamper yourself from time to time.
4. Realize that it’s not your job to make other people happy
Just like it’s not theirs to make you happy. People are just used to depending on you for everything. They know you are always there to save the day. They know they can count on you and trust you. They started behaving like nothing can be solved without you. But trust me: it can.
You have to let them live their own lives. By being at their beck and call all the time, you are not doing any of you a favor. You take burdens that are not your own and they never fully learn how to carry their own. Surely you will help when you can. You will listen and support, but it doesn’t have to be at your own expense.
5. Find a way to heal your spirit
When you are dealing with a tired soul, things are not just bad on the outside, your spirit needs fixing, too. How you will approach that depends on you. For instance, if you are a religious person, maybe you can talk to someone inside your religious group, find comfort in prayers and find sense in something that is above you.
Another idea is learning how to meditate. Many people find it calming and renewing.
You can just sit in nature relax and breathe. You can do whatever suits you and your personality the most. It’s hard to talk generally about our spiritual side because each and every one of us has different intakes of what that is. The important thing is that you find it and that it heals your soul.
6. Talk to somebody who can help
If you keep everything inside, it’s no wonder your soul is tired. You put on a tough front while you were crumbling from the inside and it has taken its toll. The best thing to do is talk with someone who can help you feel better. Sometimes when you simply say everything aloud, it makes that weight on your shoulders a little less heavy.
Sometimes all you will need is coffee and a long heart to heart talk with a friend. Other times you will need some expert advice. So why not try therapy? It can be beneficial, sometimes give impartial insights about your life and therapists can offer some guidelines on your healing process.
7. Remember to put yourself first
You have to shake that feeling that you are doing something wrong by putting yourself first. You have to take care of yourself and invest in yourself, so you can give to others, too. If you just give give give without taking anything in return, without giving yourself enough time to recharge, enough love and enough care, you will once again find yourself empty. And you can’t pour from an empty cup, now can you?
Treat yourself like you want others to treat you. People learn by example. The way in which you love, respect and accept yourself is the way they will reciprocate. So, give them good guidelines.