Ahh… The never-ending series of questions we all know way too well. Is he interested in me? Is he just being polite, but I’m too blind to see it? Or is he just another fuck boy who came to fuck me over? Is he hiding his feelings or is he just not interested?
The struggle is real!
While men are not that good at expressing their feelings, especially when fear of being rejected creeps in, they’re not good at hiding them either. Lucky for us! There are clear signs that he’s more than being just polite to you and all you have to do is to pay close attention to his behavior.
Piece of cake? Not really.
The thing is, until he says clearly that he is into us, we don’t believe it. And even when he does, we still doubt it. At least I know I do. He’s just saying that to get into my pants. He’s just sorry for me, so he admitted his feelings. Can you feel my pain? But that’s a whole different topic to write about.
Today, we are writing about all the ways you can tell the difference between him being polite or utterly afraid of his feelings for you. While it sounds poetic, it’s not really.
Men are afraid of three things: being rejected, being a disappointment for their ladies and being taken for granted. And the worst part? Those fears combine in one grand fear once they develop feelings for someone.
Let’s dig in!
1. Interest in your life
The thing is, when men are into you, they will show a great interest in your life. He will keep on asking all sorts of questions, from those ‘conversation-keepers’ to those really intimate ones. And he will remember even the smallest details about your life, the things you said or things you like. You’ll be surprised with the number of things he remembered, but trust me, he wouldn’t do so if he’s not really interested in you.
Best sign that tells he’s really into you? He invited you to some event alone or with a group of friends and he gave you special treatment like suggesting a certain meal you once mentioned you enjoyed or offering to see a movie you said you wanted to see.
On the other hand, if he’s just being polite, you’ll see that he’s asking questions just to keep the conversation going. He will never dig deeper into the subject or your personal life because he’s just not that interested in it. He’s doing it only so he doesn’t look like an asshole or something. Maybe he’s your coworker or someone who joined your friends group recently, but he has no love interest at the moment. He’s just there to have a good time and make new friends.
And as far as the special treatment goes, it starts and ends with his conversational skills. He will suggest some meals if you ask him for advice or offer you a night out with the rest of the squad, but he’ll never really get into a conversation with you while you’re out.
2. Other women in his life
When a man wants something more with you, he will make sure that you know he is single. He will often repeat it to you and make jokes about him and you being single.
And if it ever happens that he’s about to tell a story concerning another woman, he will refer to her as a friend and repeat it after every couple of sentences, just so you don’t get the wrong idea about his relationship status. Which is ‘single and eagerly waiting for you’.
He has no problem with sharing personal stories with you and information about his private life. That’s something only men who are interested in you will do—men who are your cousins or very good friends. If he’s not your cousin or friend, you know in which group he belongs then.
While a man who is not interested will talk about his life without thinking much about how it affects you. He will simply follow the conversation and even if he mentions a certain woman, he will never offer you a clarification for her. He thinks that you don’t need one because he believes so. If you’re just acquaintances, there’s no need for you to know anything about his relationship status or the importance of women in his life. And well, he’s right about that.
3. Looks, glances and other fairy tales
Truth lies in the eyes, or something like that. And for once, this is true. Pay attention to the way he looks at you, for how long and how often.
If he’s always looking at you and when you’re talking you have the feeling like you’re the only one in world because he has that look on his face – he’s into you! And another great sign is him looking away when you catch him glancing at you.
He could be afraid of your rejection or he is just confused by the fact that you caught him, so he looked away. Whatever the reason is, it’s all super adorable to watch.
Because, you see, when men are falling for someone, they love spending time with that person, they love talking to that person and more than anything – they love looking at that person. And because he’s afraid of you finding out the truth before it’s time, he looks away.
While someone who is not that into you will often wander around the room while talking to you. Since you’re not the one who is holding his attention, he is looking for something or someone who will do it. And all those stolen glances and long stares? Not going to happen in this case! And even if it happens and you catch him looking at you, he will not look away because he’s not doing anything wrong. His eyes focused on you for no particular reason and he’s not embarrassed or confused by being caught because he’s not thinking about it that way.
4. His attitude when you talk about other men
The good ol’ jealousy test! You don’t even have to do it on purpose to find out the results. Just simply mentioning a random man in your life will do the trick. If you start telling him a weekend story that involves someone with XY chromosomes, he will turn cold or switch the subject.
He can even go as far as trash talking or making fun of men in your life—unless you specifically tell him they’re just friends. In that case, he’ll be cool with them, even though he worries and wonders how anyone could spend time with you without falling in love.
In his mind, he is a super chill dude who is so good at hiding his feelings towards you that you’ll be knocked off of your feet once he confesses. But men are jealous (I mean, who isn’t) and he’s worried he will lose you even before he got the chance to win you over.
That’s why his jealousy is so obvious, even though he believes it’s not.
And the other type of men we’re talking about in this article – not interested, polite ones. When you mention a man in your life, there won’t be any reaction. He could be surprised or ask you about it jokingly, but that’s about it. He doesn’t see you that way, so he’s not worried nor jealous. Same like there are no explanations for women in his life, he doesn’t expect ones from you about men in yours.
5. The way he looks
Of course, he will try to look his best, but there is still a difference. A man who is trying to win someone over will do whatever he can to sweep you off of your feet just with his divine looks. He will fix his shirt, go through his hair with his fingers and fiddle with the rest of his outfit all the time. That’s something he does unconsciously, but it’s a pretty obvious sign that he likes you.
And who doesn’t enjoy looking at a good-looking man who cares about his appearance? Especially if that man is all nervous and blushing because of you. That is a killing combo right there!
And well, a man who is not that into you will have no problem wearing a shirt he stained that morning with ketchup. Hey, shit/ketchup happens! I would know. The point is, we all care about the way we look and the way people perceive us. If we’re at work, we will try to look responsible. If we’re at a club, we will try to look damn fine and on fire.
But when we know that there is a possibility of running into someone we fancy, of course we will take extra measures to make sure everything is in its place and everything is looking good. If you can’t notice that extra kick in him, that adorable nervous fidgeting with his hair and clothes, he’s not into you.
6. Helping you out
He will go out of his way to help you with anything and will make sure that you know he is always there for you. And I mean always. No matter if you need a ride at 3 A.M. or you need someone’s help with picking out designs for the next campaign, he is always there for you.
And even if it means that he will fall behind his schedule or that he will have to work longer hours, for you it’s all worth it. Just the fact that he gets to spend more time with you means it’s worth it.
But make sure to know the difference between someone being into you and someone just being polite. If he’s just polite, he will help you only if you ask him to. He may offer help, but he will give you the exact amount of help you agreed to receive. And there’s always a high possibility of him hoping you will refuse help. Or that’s just me. Either way, pay attention to how much eagerness there is when he’s helping you.
If he offers you more than what you asked for and continuously repeats that it’s no big deal – he’s into you. If he’s just polite and there’s no passion in helping you – he’s polite. If he starts following you around just to assist you – he’s a creepster.
7. Being part of his life
Is he giving you insights into his days or his life? Is he inviting you to his hangouts and over to his place? Do you really feel like he’s trying to make you part of his life, more than just the passenger you are now?
If the answers to these questions are ‘yes’, there’s no doubt that he is serious about having you around for a longer run. Maybe he’s just not ready about making a move or he wants to be sure that you’re into him before he does so, but have no doubt – sooner or later, he will make a move. And this time, it’s up to you when it’s going to be or is it going to be at all.
On the other hand, if he is super secretive, mysterious about his private life and you practically have no idea what’s going on with him besides the things you specifically ask for – he has someone else to share his life with and that someone is not you, I’m afraid. And even if you go out with the rest of your group, he is usually not the one who initiated the hangout. Even if he invited you, he never mentioned or offered for the two of you to go out alone. There is always someone else there and he only invites you when the whole squad is going somewhere.
8. Teasing game
Men love to tease—regardless if they’re into you, they’re with you or they’re just there next to you for any random reason you can think of. They love to tease, they love to make jokes and they love to be in the spotlight.
But look at the way he is teasing you and the way he is teasing others. If he’s always leaning towards you while doing so and making jokes about your and his relationship status, or the way you two would make one hell of a couple, you know what it means. And especially if he gets all touchy while teasing you – we have a winner!
Another addition to his teasing game is funny nicknames only you two share. It’s also a way of him letting everyone else know that you two have something special going on, a different kind of connection than the one you share with others.
And is there a better and safer way to connect with someone than sharing inside jokes no one else understands?
But men who are distant and tease you about random things, with no inside jokes or funny nicknames, are simply men who love to have good time and love to make people laugh. A man who is into you will use teasing to create a special bond between the two of you. If there’s no such thing, it means that he’s not interested. His jokes are set by default and there’s not much personal stuff in there because he wasn’t interested in getting to know you that much. He could basically be making the same jokes with every other woman out there.
9. Body language
The safest method to find out the truth, besides the jealousy game, is reading body language. It’s not as stupid as it sounds, trust me. For example, when man is attracted to you, he will mirror your movements and always lean towards you when you’re talking.
If you cross your arms, he will do the same. Another sign of him being into you is nervousness and blushing because even the most confident men tend to blush when they’re with someone they genuinely care about.
If you notice certain signs that he’s into you, but there is no intimacy or chemistry between the two of you, it could be just him being nice. Or if there’s chemistry, but he doesn’t seem really interested, he could be just playing games to get what he wants. Looking only at the body language can tell you a lot, but the real truth about his intentions and his personality you can only learn by looking at his behavior towards you and other people around him. It’s really important to see if he’s just another playing asshole or he’s truly serious about you.
10. Getting touchy
And the most obvious and simplest of them all – touches. If he is looking for any excuse to touch you or make any kind of physical contact while talking to you, alongside with other signs from the list – the truth is revealed.
The boy fell head over heels for you! He will touch your back while you’re standing next to each other. He will gently stroke your arm while telling you something and move a strand of hair off your face with such tenderness that it will leave you speechless for a second.
It’s his way of letting you know that he will be gentle with you and a great way for him to test how you will react to his touches. If you flinch or move away, he will go slowly or stop touching you for a couple of days. It’s all about gaining your trust.
And if there are no touches, there is no interest. But keep in mind that there are a lot of men out there who spread their tentacles on every single person that comes their way, including you. Don’t get your hopes up just because he’s touching you. If he’s touching everyone else, that’s just who he is. An octopus-man. Ugh!