Breakups are never easy. They are usually messy with a lot of shattered pieces of our hearts all over. They will hurt no matter what. So, it’s not easy to say who’s the winner and who’s the loser in all of that. But the way you deal with a breakup is what makes you a winner. It’s about how elegantly you let go of the things that weren’t meant for you that counts.
It might not be nice to say this, but the truth is we really do come out of certain breakups as winners. We win our life back for starters. Because sometimes, we get away from people who weren’t right for us—who manipulated, cheated, abused our trust—and we are certainly not feeling a loss because the relationship ended. Sometimes, we avoid things getting even worse and all we can do is be grateful that it all ended.
All in all, there are signs that will help you determine are you winning the breakup:
1. When you said ‘no contact’, you meant NO CONTACT
You stayed true to your word. You kicked him out of your life completely because there was no other way to get over him. It wasn’t always easy. You had days when all you wanted to do was to rush back into his arms or at very least send a text, but you resisted. You resisted even when he called you. You ignored him even if it was difficult—you know it would only make things worse for you.
That’s what makes you a winner. You are winning because you acknowledged that some people are not supposed to be in your life. They had their chance and they blew it. You are winning because you are fighting your urges. You are remembering what you deserve and you are not about to settle for less. You know if you slipped and broke no contact rule, you would be in the same mess with him all over again and that’s the last thing you want.
2. You re-directed your focus on yourself
You felt like you lost parts of yourself while you were in the relationship and you lost more of yourself when things ended. But after the initial shock, you realized that crying all day and drowning your sorrows in chocolate was leading you nowhere, and you decided to move.
You decided that you put him in front of you so many times and that it’s time to change your ways. You decided to do things for yourself. You decided to put yourself first and think about your own wellbeing. You found new interests and hobbies. You socialize more. You do things that make you happy.
3. Mutual friends are still a part of your life
When a relationship ends, some friendships that came along with the relationship end, too. People hate being in the middle of things and fighting battles that are not theirs. Which is understandable.
However, if you are one of the lucky ones who still hangs out with some of the mutual friends you and your partner shared, you are most definitely winning the breakup. If mutual friends are still in your life and supporting you through your hard times, you are one very lucky person. You found friends that are true and by your side no matter what.
4. You are feeling your feelings
You don’t have the energy or necessity to pretend to be something you are not. If you are happy, it will show. If you are sad, it will show. You know that pain is inevitable and that you need to embrace it in order to heal. You also know that you shouldn’t deprive yourself of moments of happiness, so you make the best of it. Somehow you are keeping the balance and even though you are more on the sad side now, you know that happiness will prevail.
You are winning this because you have no need to justify your feelings to your ex or anybody else for that matter. You are owning your emotions and you are feeling them you are dealing with them. You already feel stronger than you ever gave yourself credit for.
5. You are not displaying your heartache on social media
Even though you probably deleted him from all of your social media accounts, you still don’t have the need to display your emotions publicly—specially not in the form of long status updates of how are you feeling after the breakup.
You know that not all of your social media friends are truly your friends. Your real life friends are people you can confide in and that’s more than enough. You don’t want any information about you reaching his ears. You know that not knowing is what will sting him the most.
6. You run into them and keep your cool
It’s like some unwritten rule that you will run into your ex the moment you stop thinking about him. It’s like some kind of joke the universe plays on us. But if that happens and you are looking your best, pretending like you are not affected in any way by that encounter, you are winning.
Because no matter how you feel, it’s never a good idea to break into tears when seeing your ex. You can always do it later in the privacy of your home. He doesn’t have to know how you feel—specially if he had a toxic personality and he would only feed on your pain. So, in any case, head up and be proud of yourself for keeping your cool.
7. You heard they have been asking around about you
And you wouldn’t do that in your wildest dreams. You know that people gossip and you know if you asked about him, it will reach his ears eventually. Like the information of him wanting to know where you are at and what you are up to reached you.
They might be asking out of pure curiosity. They might regret losing you. They might want you back. But the thing is that even though you enjoyed hearing that they want to know your whereabouts it simply doesn’t matter anymore. You have no intention of getting back with him. You decided it’s time to move on.