Some people are born leaders and they tend to be more controlling in certain areas of their lives. And that’s actually fine. They are aware of it so they know when exactly they need to step back. They are amazing people who keep the world spinning.
But, unfortunately, there are those who are not born leaders and yet they’d like to control everything around them. It’s not hard to recognize them because they are usually frustrated. Their frustration comes from the fact that they can’t control every single thing.
If you’re dating someone who wants to control every aspect of his life, including your relationship, then don’t worry—you’re not alone. There are plenty of other women who are struggling just like you. But behind every controlling guy there’s a valid psychological reason for his behavior. This means that he can change. He can become less controlling and more aware of it but only if he wants to. Don’t try to change him, try to explain to him that he needs that change. If he understands that himself, then he will change for good. But forcing him into that won’t get you anywhere. Read the reasons below and figure out which one refers to the controlling man in your life.
1. He didn’t have enough freedom as a child.
He probably was one of those kids who didn’t like spending time with others so much. He always had to his homework before doing anything else. Of course, that’s not a bad thing because homework is important. But in his family it was probably a bit too important. He never stayed up all night with his friends playing stupid games. It might be that he didn’t even have friends. Or if he did, he didn’t see them so often. Maybe he even grew up in a different town or a different country and couldn’t get along with anyone there. There’s a chance he’s not even aware of how much it has affected his personality. Because he wasn’t so free as a child, and because his life was controlled by so many events, he wants to take control of everything now. There’s a strong feeling inside him that his life could get out of control if he stops paying attention even for a second.
2. His parents are pressuring him too much.
His parents let him be a wild child. When he was younger, he had the chance to do anything and everything. Nobody has ever said no to him. He spent a lot of time with his friends, traveled a lot and never had to work a day in his life. All of a sudden he has to be a real grown-up man. His parents are not giving him money anymore. They say he’s now old enough to start earning for himself. A whole new world has appeared before his eyes and now he feels like he’s losing control over everything. His parents never prepared him to live like a mature man and he has to figure that out himself.
3. He feels the need to be an alpha.
This could be something that has roots in his family. It could be that his father was an alpha male who always had everything under control and now he feels like he needs to live up to that. Or it could be that his father had nothing under control and he doesn’t want to be like him. If it’s neither of these reasons then it’s the simplest reason of them all—mother nature. Men want to be alphas by nature and they are ready to do everything it takes to become one. But he might not be aware of one important thing—an alpha man doesn’t always have to control everything. He’s smart enough to know when to let others be in charge of something.
4. He’s competing with his friends.
This is the most childish reason of them all. That’s because he’s probably still a child at heart. He lets society affect him in many ways. His friends are probably ‘real men’ who earn a lot, spend even more and act like everything in their lives is simply perfect. Now, he feels the pressure to live up to that. If the situation is getting a bit out of control, he feels frustrated and acts like it’s the end of the world.
5. He doesn’t understand life.
This reason is connected to the previous one. If he has childish friends who don’t understand what life is about and don’t stand solidly on the ground, then he will be just like them. He never had anyone to challenge him and to talk to him about really important topics. He never even had time to think about it. He was so busy creating the life he has that he had no time to think about the life he wants. Basically, he’s been living on autopilot for a very long time. If his plane changes course even for a bit, then he thinks he’s about to have a crash. He doesn’t understand that his plane will crash only if that’s his destiny.
6. He has low self-esteem.
If he acts okay when he’s around others but when he’s with you he turns into a complete control freak then he definitely has low self-esteem. He knows he can’t control others and their behavior. He’s aware that it’s okay to let them have an impact on his life. He would never confront them. But the one he would always confront is his girlfriend. He has no problem yelling at her and trying to control her behavior. He feels suppressed by others and has no idea how to be in charge of them. But when it comes to his relationship, he feels like he has all the freedom he needs to be in charge and to control everything. That makes you feel like your relationship is actually a full-time job, where your boyfriend acts like your boss. His need to control you is actually a sign he’s trying to boost his self-esteem. He can’t do that in other areas of his life, so the relationship could be just perfect for that. He only forgets one thing—that no one has to put up with that. If he doesn’t like being controlled, why does he expect his girlfriend to like it?
How does this affect you?
If you’re dating someone who is a complete control freak then you are going to suffer. You are the closest person to him and you’re the only one who can understand what’s going around his head. If you can’t prove to him that his behavior is wrong, then you will have to put up with his controlling temper. If you can put up with that then you are a strong woman. But try to tell him that he has a problem that can be fixed only with his will. If he doesn’t understand that, maybe you should walk away. If he’s aware of his problem and agrees to fix it, then that is simply amazing. But if he’s not willing to change then it’s up to you what you’re going to do. You can choose to stay with him and try to find a balance in your relationship or you can choose to say goodbye to him and live your life the way you want.